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Observe what happened next…A year after meeting Jessica, I needed to travel to a new city for work and I realized that I had no place to stay there.

I mentioned my predicament to Jessica, and she excitedly revealed that her good friend had just moved to the city I was visiting.

It’s critical to be aware of how painfully obvious it can be when we fail at this.

Consciously or not, people constantly exhibit the tropes of “commitment-seeking behavior.” These include pressure to formally define “what we are,” requests for increased intimacy, hints of jealousy/control, and many more.

[Author’s note: Per reader request, I’ve merged parts 1 and 2 of this article into a single unified piece, available here.]In my previous post, I introduced the concept of a friendship-first approach to dating that fosters strong social networks and radically increases your chances of finding a lasting romantic partnership.

It was while planning this vacation that it hit me: The two longest relationships of my life have both been with men who I was never officially dating.

Boyfriends and girlfriends have come and gone, but my friends with benefits have stood the test of time. That’s longer than I predict my first marriage will last.

By not overtly expecting sex, commitment, or even compatibility upfront, and instead focusing on just creating a series of fun, memorable experiences, we had implicitly set the precedent for a approach to dating.

This friendship-first approach has fundamentally changed my understanding of dating and relationships.

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